Saturday, May 28, 2011
First off, I renewed a very dear aquaintance of mine this evening. Treat it as precious.
Jessica said hi to me in Central. She smiled and was glad to see me. She always liked me better after a hair cut. She was probably the one I loved most while I was married.
So Man's Fate this and The Myth of Sisyphus that and this is Nausea and that is indifference to the universe that we are condemed to be free on, and this is the for-itself and that is the in-itself: I decided to make it to the Square a little bit later than her.
I caught up to her and she stopped like we were supposed to talk. Ecstasy. She's now an artist. But, I've always been very much older than she. After looking at her for more than five years, and of course we both know about when, she stopped to talk for that one brief moment. Wow, I loved her most, I'm fairly sure she was there before the wedding. I thought that since I've known the Square almost for as long as she's been alive, I would stroll down and meet her down there. She caught with with me and passed me at the bookstore. As she turned the corner, I opened up the computer in the event I could photograph her.
I've already discussed this with the woman I'm waiting to hear from. The computer was timing out, but i did make a live blog entry before the power went low. I had a coffee and tried to tan. I'd like a better lift before tanning in the Square. You can see that I lift, but you wouldn't quite quess that the fraction is 240 over 135 (I weigh 135 and lift 240).
Then one of my oldest friends in the world came up to me.
"I missed you"
We talked intimately in the Square for twenty minutes and- maybe I can see her. I knew her almost the entire time I was married; really anyone you knew before 2011 you would stop counting if you hadn't seen them in a while.
She really said she wanted to see me soon. I'm trying her number right now.
My really pretty reader that could have and only could have just walked by- its possible.
I'm still waiting for my woman friend to return my call. Seriously. We had the discussion about her being married while I was and she was cute about it. I thought she was in love and she really said that she knew I loved my wife. I said I did. She really said that she wondered why I didn't say goodbye. I thanked, alot, and told her that I didn't need to talk about it any more. Just send a nice thought to the girl that we knew that in alot of ways saved me and leave it at that. Quickly, the whole entire time we weren't flirting I thought she was as in love as I was with the other person. She may or may not have dated after I left. Meaning, I find it incredible that there's a still a chance. Honestly, there were circumstances that never arose during that time where I would have needed her had I known I could see her. That I knew about. So, we have somewhere where we've agreed we can meet.
My difficulties, forget them; her problems, insights, recollections, secret desires I adore her for and would love to listen to all night.
I just left her a message to call me to say "Good Night". If its ok with her, then it is. I'd loved to become over involved if there's a chance.
Jessica and I are in the Square. No Delay.
I knew her during my entire marriage. I loved her most. Most.
She's an artist now. She said hi in Central and I caught up with her twice. it was shy between us but she was happy to talk. It's the haircut. She liked it better shorter years ago. I have to bump into her before she leaves the Square to give her a copy of my novel and or phone number. She's still lovely.
John played Elvis in the "kiosk-pitt" just before she turned the corner- I'm having a coffee while she's shopping, but I wouldn't know where.
I loved her most while I was married and now she's an artist!
she looks like me a little.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Seriously. I didn't have my glasses on and I didn't film her, but I couldn't begin understand how and why she was looking at me directly. That directly.
That pretty? In a strait on uninterrupted stare. To where I wouldn't recognize her untill the next time we are both there. Honestly, dark brunette, like the prettiest in the world. I double checked the film, she might be in in if it was her first arriving and sitting down while I was filming.
I made a second series of camera tests at the same spot as yesterday that I still can't because my hair appears in the shot. What I was for was to find subjects in relation to the architectural perspectives of the three buildings and from that build planes, which again went great. I tracked handheld in between the three and in between the subjects, it only being that when I was turning on the camera my hair appears in the shot. The glare from the screen makes it difficult to begin the film and to stop the recording. I found shade to stop the recording. Actually there were very beautiful women in the film. It was the first day of hot sunbathing. After filming I decided to get a tan after being in the weightlifting room all winter. My muscles were just sore enough to feel the warmth of the sun.
The warmth of the sun with the past six months of weightlifting felt fantastic. And then to have here there for a little while when I looked up. She's a model, but in an actress way. But she looked as thought I was supposed to know who she was, and to be truthful, I possibly could; I've been on this side of the city too long, so you wouldn't need to be from Harvard Square, that would be the last place I would see someone every day. I wasn't busy and didn't need to specificlly be anywhere, 'but I can't explain how I could have let her down, and yet she was staring as though we had to be somewhere. And then thinking every minute since she left that I would have taken her anywhere.
My laptop need recharging after she left, so I didn't retake the film. I talked to an artist after she left who was using water colour pencils, which was interesting, and an easy question. I had asked her what medium she was using after watching the horizontal strokes and her dipping the pencils in water. An artist I had spoken to earlier this week was using regular colour pencils and said that she could blend, which I didn't fully realize.
I didn't speak to the sunbather, who will probaly recognize me before I realize its her untill were both back in the same seats.
I have to press the record button without appearing on the screen, which won't be har to learn.
Now I'm wondering who she is. If she's seen me often walk by or if she's seen me from her window.
Just to stare untill she wants to tell whatever it might happen to be, but to have her stare back like that was everything.
The tan is ok, the weight lift is ok, although I don't really see that the weightlift is yet good enough for someone that young and pretty.
I would promise her anything if she would do that again.
Lo.Ve untill Lo:Ve
-------------------------below, Yesterday filming on Massachusetts Avenue:
It could have have been her. I was right in the middle of thinking that if I ever see her again one reason would be if she's busy trying to stay here, which still is to say that I didn't see her last night. It could have been her voice in her friends car and she could have been detained last night while trying to work things out so that she could stay here, but in any event, she wasn't there, so of course needless to say, if she does, we don't know each other well enough so that she would have been there. By tommorrow, it will have been a week since I've seen her. I could have effected more in the meantime. Last night I didn't lift. Had she had been there I would have lifted, either that or I would have asked her to take a walk through the the Square, maybe from Harvard towards MIT.
If it wasn't her, could it have been the girls from this afternoon's camera tests.
After lifting, I was sore. my biceps sore from curling the 160-170, but I pulled down 240 to tone the biceps and triceps. One repetition at a time fifteen times. I made the 210 bench press twice by the end of the night and increased the in between incline press to 140 and honestly, with my size, that's heavy for the incline.
And then someone from a car said in a very pretty college student voice,
"I like you hair."
I just cut it. I have to comb it alot because of how she feathered it.
My hair is why I can't use the camera tests from this afternoon. It was the first tanning after noon of the season, so I arbitrarily decided upon the two sunbathers on my left and right and pivoted the webcam on me knee. The film is "Great", but while I was framing the shots will the newer camera. My hair was filmed in the frameline. I can't use them because my hair appears in the shot. Ok honestly the two young women were exellant models as far as the work is concerned. They were just practice shots. The two women that I'm super attracted to were way on the other end of the tanning area and although they do appear, they're not the subject. That is not to say they weren't well posed- they didn't squirm while on camera. I'd rather date the other two that were distant to the camera. But they were supermodelish- I could owe them a coffee.
The pan from one "sunbather-model" to the other was good; I changed seats by tracking hand held after the first model sat up, pivoting the one shot while moving.
But, the two I was interested in left at the same time as I did, so I got to say Hi when I was throwing out my coffee cup. The film is on You Tube but unlisted; my other webcam with kaliedescope effects needs repair.
But I knew they were only going to be practice camera tests that were to be refilmed. It was only because of the weather. I'd like to film either the two brunettes or film the thin blond supermodel again- I'd just say that I'm a film poet and like spontaneity. I can "get the shot" with it on my knee.
Whoever likes my hair could have been anyone and the sunbathers probably won't become "my reader" right away.
I was hoping that Monica would transcend her "business major", but she wasn't there Tuesday when i thought I give ther a copy of my novel through its webpage- you won't believe this. I was thinking of bringing her something and realllly won't be going shopping untill next week, so I put a Mercury dime in my briefcase because I couldn't think of when I'd be shopping and see earrings or things like that. I thought of roses already. There happenned to be a Mercury dime in my desk, so I put it in my briefcase where I keep lubricant.
There's lubricant in there. Why there's a prophyllactic I really can't fathom, but the lubricant I can.
If I see her tommorrow, it would only make sense that she's trying to stay. She could find me one or twice and still have decided to go- if it were in my power I would have asked her to stay with me indefinitely, as frequently as she wanted- which should have been tacit- no seriously, hang out or whatever, nothing worse can happen to me in that respect in that I'm divorced.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
How I spent my evening: just surfing.
It's from Photoplay Magazine, 1927, I believe. If its here because I saw someone today, it wasn't anyone I had a conversation with-don't let the park get to me.
Here's the gamut: the older woman approaches me while we're both having a cigarette so my thought was this will never happen again, there's no doubt she's one of the only one's I'm compatible with, but I cut the conversation short. Which I should of, I'll be 49 and I want is the company, meaning get into bed. So I let her act like we had nothing to talk about, why guess whether she's 59 or not. Someone was sitting behind me quietly reading, not saying a word while I was having coffee I would have loved to invite nearly anywhere. So after letting the experienced woman toddle off in a culture-daze, I neglected to think of someway to speak to the 20 year old, meaning I took it for granted. I could have brought a coffee over within minutes. But the new idea is let me read your book while you surf for a little while, its a matter of being together. So I spent the evening surfing. Why is that cool, well if I told her everything it would include that the most beautiful, and most scantily blond runner I've ever seen passed by later on the Boston side of the Mass Ave bridge and I would end up explaining that because of the height and weight, the build is almost too much the same, you would think about the curves of 5'2 100lbs approximately and miss not having stayed in the park reading no matter for how long you had to stare. So I took a night off from weight lifting to write and I'll have to make up for it- it was four nights this week. My lift yesterday: over 200lbs on six Nautilis machines and I present weight 135- but on both the torso and lap pull down I made more than ten repetitions at 245lbs. I honestly do work them if I go in there. But knowing how the park is going to get to me, just sitting there super sexy reading and what tonight would have been like after having said, "Whatever you feel like doing."
I called M.I.T was about all; I was listening to Music For Human Beings on WMBR again, and a show I almost like better in certain ways, Terravoice, came on when my technology sputtered, so I asked if there was a quick, easy way to listen and the person in the control room said she didn't know alot about the internet. My voice may not have been what I would have like it to be nor were my choice of words exceptional, but she was nice and neither of us acknowledged that I might be fatigued. If nothing else you would want an acceptance of politeness, but again, I may have been more tired than i realized having crossed through the city again (from about Suffolk to Berklee), but for the first time this spring.
(Guess who I saw?)
( Seriously, I wouldn't mention it to you and all the better I have no need to; especially if I can't (didn't) figure out how to send a coffee from one end of a bench to the other without wondering why some movie star from the sixties doesn't realize that I don't exactly have my whole life ahead of me-I'm glad there's something or somewhere I've been that doesn't really bother me enough. One of the places I would often have lunch is closing too.)
ps. Maybe I am that tired, its 2:30 in the morning and before going to bed, I hadn't thought of the girl I opened the door for across the street from Lord and Taylor. It would make good descriptive fiction but her eyes in some way "pretended to recognize me or pretended she was hoping to see me" I was right there. I may have momentarily underestimated her age and social position (bluntly, wealth), but I did go over and I put it oddly, almost to say that when I was opening the door she was almost too pretty to speak to; I phrased it that I really didn't quite know that she had made the decision to come into to the store, as though it was experience instinct that I knew what she might be thinking, but I only waited and held the door open out of a polite guess. Maybe she was under 25 and just cute. (It wouldn't have been the wealth itself. she really didn't act that silly about it, just the "what next?".)
Monday, May 9, 2011
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Sunday, May 8, 2011
I asked finally asked a college student that I've known for months out.
"Are you busy tommorow?"
"Do you want to go to a movie?"
She was more suprised than I was and didn't seem to have the foggiest. I had for some reason thought that she would have expected it by now.
The cute sleekly built usherette at Rocky Horror last night called me "Sir". The women that work for security outside the theater- (doesn't Church street look like the home of Riff-Raff for some odd far out of sight coincidental reason to the living or dead, how on earth did that happen)- as you can see range somewhere between Playboy models and Swank; and stay outside the theater weak of heart.
Apparently Caroline's a genius, yet in her Columbia pajamas was only almost on top of me. My seat also afforded having Buttercups behind my for a couple minutes. I almost would like it a reserved seat- front row (and the front row is at your disposal). The usherette sat near by during the first half, but was nearly in a conversation. Had she whispered over, "I'm short" I would have replied, "It gets me off" (We've affected a more terse speech since the end of Led Zeppelin.)
Meredith is Carnality in Lace.
Whitney is Concupiescence in Space Age Design.
Buttercups, so named for the rocks in my head, probably sexier than anyone would believe. Personally, she's beautiful.
Caroline I can't live without.
They'd make a neat little compatabilty thing if weren't for------
I was lifting weights one day and was hoping to watch Frankenstien Meets the Wolfman and The House of Frankenstien and then the continuum-duality came to mind. I'd really heard enough theory about the cell relationship in clone structures and thought back to when I had ran a lap with a pro and had asked if I should play for Harvard or should just make it up and play for as many teams as I felt like. I didn't know then that i'd be staying in between MIT and the University- the machines began vibrate. Oblivon is not always obvious- they began vibrating like a movie projector. There's got to be something more than lifting 150% of my own weight. Like our astronauts- they get Zen replacement milkshakes at dairy queen. But the Wolfman's masculinity got to me- moonbeams not gravitation pull.
Then Meredith ran passed me and touched my hair. Well, not actually running her fingers through it more of a rubbing it with approval to say good job.
The next day I ran out soap and had to use shampoo, its a lubricating type of shampoo like the coinslot item.
If I could find an assistant to conduct some experiments about how women mate, I might find what they do when their not together. The Queen herself could become interested if plied.